Songs to Take Us Through the Journey of Healing

Healing from narcissistic abuse/relational trauma not easy, and it’s not a linear process or a checklist. But it’s been my experience that there are certain things that need to be experienced, reclaimed and integrated along the way. Here are a few songs that are suggestions for personal anthems to help us with seven critical points or stages on the journey. (While I call them stages, this is not meant to suggest that things are at all linear or predictable.) I’ve put in versions with lyrics because I’ve found that the lyrics when looked at carefully can surprise me and make the song even more relevant. Of course, these songs, while some of my favorites, may not be to everyone’s taste, so I’d love to hear in the comments what works for you!

Stage One, often towards the beginning of our journey, perhaps when we are waking up to what we went through or are going through. At this point we often simply need kindness, gentle self-care, and to connect to some sort of love for ourselves without self-judgement or criticism. The song, Gentle With Myself, by Karen Drucker, can be a wonderful reminder of holding ourselves with kindness as we begin to navigate this difficult journey of healing.

Stage Two, perhaps early in the journey, can be the point where we are ready to face some of the fears we’ve held around ending things and moving on–as well as standing up to the toxic person or people in our lives. The song, I Won’t Back Down, by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, can be an inspiring reminder to stand in our truth.

Stage Three I like to think of as the point when we find and honor our righteous anger. Acknowledging what happened and that most likely it was NOT OK is critical. I don’t advocate operating from anger or taking it out on those around us, but I do believe that giving it voice and space is a key aspect of healing. For a powerful, in your face, this is not ok song, check out Gaslighter, by The Chicks.

At Stage Three I also really like Warrior, by Demi Lovato.

Stage Four can be the point of the journey where courage really calls us forth, and the journey is a lot about beginning to reclaim our power. I love You Gotta Be by Des’ree as an anthem for this aspect of healing.

And also I Will Survive, by Gloria Gaynor

Stage Five feels like giving ourselves permission to be fully in the world, living our lives, as the imperfect and yet wonderful beings we area. I Don’t Have to Be Perfect, by Karen Drucker is a great reminder!

As is Roar, by Katy Perry.

Stage Six feels like the point where we are interested in making sense of it all. At this point in healing, we’re strong enough to look at the patterns without blaming ourselves. Check out Solsbury Hill, by Peter Gabriel as a wonderful anthem for this stage of healing.

Stage Seven, in this model, is the stage of healing where it all comes together. We may present to “post traumatic growth” as part of our story. We’ve integrated what has happened with compassion for ourselves, and can be present to the whole journey as a part of who we are. I love Your Life is Now, by John Mellencamp for this stage.

And also, the amazing I Didn’t Know My Own Strength, by Whitney Houston.

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In the process of healing and need some support? Our relational trauma group coaching program starts late September 2022. Or contact Ann for one-to-one coaching.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ann Betz is the co-founder of BEabove Leadership and an expert on the intersection of neuroscience, coaching, trauma and human transformation. She speaks, trains and coaches internationally, and writes about neuroscience and coaching as well as relational trauma. Ann is also a published poet who loves cats, rain in the desert, and healthy relationships. She has stomped her way through Gaslighter more times than she can recall.